Watching gay porn does not make you gay

I found a question on one of those advice forum type web sites recently from a woman who snooped through her boyfriend's computer and found gay (guy on guy) porn. She was concerned about confronting him about it and wondering if he's gay... and a lot of people responded with "Straight men never watch that shit, your man is a fag."

Well, Dear World (and That Girl's Boyfriend), I have to tell you something. I watch gay porn too, and usually it's girl-on-girl action. And I have yet to become a lesbian.

See, human sexuality is a fun and fluid thing. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he was interested in some particular act or toy. But even if he likes it, even if he gets off to it, unless he does it right before going to boink another dude, HE IS NOT GAY. Granted, only he can tell you, but still...

Go confess that you invaded his privacy and found something you want to talk about, and don't do it in an accusing OMG YOU DON'T LOVE ME fashion, because if he really is gay and in the closet and using you to convince himself and/or others of his straightness, he'll just get defensive and you won't get anywhere. There's a pretty good chance that after he forgives you for doing something stupid, you'll learn that man-on-man action can be very hot. Maybe you can watch it together. Don't forget the lube!

Musical accompaniment: "If You Were Gay" from Ave Q

A post of substance

Dear Darling Boyfriend,

Substance.

Love,

Ava

----

Ok, fine, here's some actual substance... have you heard of the Japanese girlfriend pillows? And the Japanese hosting culture? These are both recently in NYTimes, because, you know, we need more information on how the Japanese are sex culture is completely effed up... and I kinda want in. Or maybe not in, but I would like to see those cafes where everyone dresses up as anime characters or princesses or sparkly shiny unicorns with rainbow wings. I'd totally go into Pink and Glitter overload.

Recession sex, it's what's for dinner.

Businesses are closing, maybe you're hanging on by a thread at your own job, things are tough...  but you know what, you can always have sex.  And that's why "first-quarter sales of personal lubricants soared 32% to $41.2 million, according to Information Resources Inc." in AdAge.  If you've got a willing partner, sex at home costs way less than concert tickets.  Sure, you should spring for the aforementioned lube, and perhaps your birth control of choice (because remember, babies are VERY expensive), but there's free porn on the Internet, and you've probably got some pervertibles in the house already anyway, so go have some low-cost, stress-reducing sex, people.     

Change of plans (and sexuality)

Brilliant geek idea is scrapped because the Tshirt making is just too labor intensive at the moment.  I may use it for Halloween later on, but we'll see.  At the moment, my Halloween idea is Sally Bowles from Cabaret, but we'll see...  Anyhow, new plan is to go as a "freak" from the wardrobe I already own.  It's kind of a lazy way out.  Instead, the costume is going to feature purple fishnets, a super short black skirt with zippers, a black tshirt, and some black arm warmer type things, along with the appropriate over-the-top eye make up and spiky silver jewelry.  

***

"Is gay the new black?"  Well, I like to think so, but I live in NYC. The discussion on daytime TV today was about likening the gay movement for marriage to the civil rights movement of the black community.  A chunk of the argument of the anti-gay marriage side is that sexual orientation is a choice, and race is not.  They think gay people choose to be gay, and therefore immoral, wrong, etc etc.  The gays, of course, state that it is not a choice, they were born gay, and so forth.  Everyone's heard this before.  

I think human sexuality is a lot more fluid than that, actually, and we have plenty of examples to support that.  Look at Anne Heche, who got famous for being Ellen's girlfriend, and then when they broke up, got married to a man and had a baby.  I have a male friend who will tell you he is very very gay, and yet him and his boyfriend both used to make out with various girls in our social circle on a regular basis.  I'm not saying that makes him "less gay", but rather my point is that obviously there was something about women that turned him on as well.  After all, he enjoyed it.  

FYI politics: I am pro-gay marriage, on the same basis as everything else -- if it makes you happy, and doesn't hurt anyone else, go for it. Gay marriage does not hurt heterosexual marriage.  For more on that topic, see Lewis Black's rant from his "Red, White, and Screwed" show.  

Does your gym teach you to prostitute yourself?

Maybe it's just that I live in Sodom & Gomorrah, erm, New York City, but somehow sex seems to have taken over my gym.  Maybe to protect the guilty, I should not name this very large national chain, but...  it's Crunch.  Recently, I had this conversation with Darling Boyfriend about the local class listings:

Ms. Ava Blue: So you know how my gym offers the pole dancing class?

  

Darling Boyfriend: Yes :).

MAB: The new location is going to offer a strip tease class as well.

DB: Awesome!

MAB: But wait, my story gets better.  The Park Slope gym has a class called "Turning Tricks".

DB: When they offer a class called "Covering Your Bruise", you need to switch gyms. 

A hand on the neck

There is something I find incredibly erotic about this image.  I just ran across it again in the film "Deception" with Hugh Jackman, and it's just... unbelievable.  It is very clearly the power of it -- you don't know if he is going to kill her or have his way with her.  It so happens that in "The Tudors", there is going to be both, and in the film it's the latter (and I am not ruining anything, given that the film is about a sex club).  

It helps that Hugh Jackman is effin gorgeous, of course, but he also does a very good job of being an evil, evil bastard.  There really isn't anything redeeming about his character.  Normally in movies and books, I like a little more realism -- I want people who are like the real people in the world, but then again, I don't know any sociopaths, nor would I sleep with any.  But dang, is he hot when he is standing behind Michelle Williams, wrapped around her, with one hand at her throat as he very threateningly whispers a song to her, and then at the last second when you think he is going to snap her neck, instead throws her on the bed and pushes her legs apart...

It's better than all the other on-screen sex put together.  

Is a kept woman a whore?

I feel a variety of things about "Keeping Up with Being Kept" in the NYTimes today.  At the very least, I think the author did a good job of writing a descriptive article that isn't overly judgmental of either party.  I'm not sure I would be capable of doing the same.  

On the one hand, everyone involved is an adult, who certainly has a right to do and live as they wish.  Let's call a spade a spade though.  If you're exchanging sex for money, that is prostitution.  And I'm willing to take that to the extent that if you set up that same sort of relationship as advertised on the site without the site, it's still prostitution.  If you're a 20 year old girl who meets a 50 year old man on a regular basis to have sex and receive presents or money, you're a hooker.  You might tell yourself that's classier than being a streetwalker, but it's still the same basic thing.  

If you're 20 and you fall in love with a 50 year old who happens to be wealthy, and you go on to have a real, full-fledged relationship in which of course you reap the benefits of having a wealthy partner, that's different.  If you fall in love with a rich 20 year old, by the way, it's the same thing, but it happens that it's a lot harder to find rich young men (unless you're talking about trust fund babies).  The trust fund babies usually don't have to pay for sex though.

I'm not passing judgment on practitioners of the oldest profession.  It certainly provides more money in some instances than working minimum wage.  But these girls on the web site are delusional if they think this isn't whoring themselves out.  Just admit what you're doing.  This web site is putting a slightly nicer face for it is all.  

The practice is negative for the same reasons prostitution is generally said to be negative.  I feel sad for these men, who feel they must buy the semblance of love and affection they aren't getting at home.  The time they spend with lithe young girls could be spent fixing their marriages, which are now rather broken.  I'll also pull out the other argument that if society provided other options, women would not have to resort to prostituting themselves.  I do like that one guy does a cost analysis of a wife, a girlfriend, a mistress, and a whore.  That's entertaining.